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Ice Chip #377
Bob, what about words like “all, every, never and always?– It might be a good Ice Chip topic to explain how these four seemingly POSITIVE words are actually KNOTTY words. They seem ‘out of place’ on the knotty list.
All of us should always try to make every word count.
We should always try to make all we do count every time.
This comment came from a big fan of Remember the Ice in Houston, TX. Hiett Ives is a believer of the concept, however he had a question about some of the “(K)notty Words” on the list of “28”.
Absolutes such as, All, Every, Never, Always are appropriate in selective situations.
For example, “ALL of the ice cubes in the freezer are frozen.” “EVERY one of them is frozen solid.” These are specific statements that are verified by factual observation. You could take a picture of the frozen ice cubes.
We put ourselves in that defensive posture when using absolutes inappropriately.
For example, “EVERY time we talk, you ALWAYS misunderstand what I’m saying. We end up arguing ALL the time.”
Really? Every time? Always being misunderstood? Arguing all the time?
The answer to these questions is, “no.” Sometimes would be more appropriate.
Try? Just think of Yoda speaking to Luke Skywalker. There is no try, only do!
And then we come to the most destructive word in the English Language: Should.
People spend way too much time “Shoulding on themselves and others” and it would be in their best interest to quit!! It is a judgmental word with no redeeming value.
Ask yourself this question. Have you EVER had an instance where you told yourself, or had someone else say to you, “You SHOULD have known better.” and felt great about it? Be serious when you answer. I have been doing this Remember the Ice concept for 219,072 hours or 9128 days, and I have NEVER had someone tell me they were excited about Shoulding on themselves, or were excited about having someone else Should on them.
Using “Should” really puts us in a defensive posture.
So, here is how I would re-frame Hiett’s original statements.
Words mean things. Make each one count. Clarity is power!
Empowering Regards,
Bob
